Monday, March 21, 2011

Trying Times

Hello Family,

Sorry, no voice recording this week, I forgot to do one and I do not want to record with all of the other missionaries listening so just a letter this week :)

Thank you for all of the support you have been giving me. I am sure that I sounded very disappointed last week, even though I was somewhat. It was so hard, and it has not gotten any better! Jeez!! My comp and I have been trying to visit less actives, but they are either never home, or are not interested. Our numbers are basically all zeros except for 1 less active we did get a hold of. I know it is not all about numbers, but it was just hard to see a blank page. It has been hard to stay positive lately, during this real trying time of my mission. The comfort I get is in the mornings during personal study and praying to Heavenly Father at night. I love praying to Him at night because I feel as if I escape from reality and am talking with my best friend. I keep asking Him what it is He would have me do. The main reason why this is so trying is because it is so early in my mission and the more time goes on, the more I realize that I have to do something that I lack a great deal, take initiative. I know that is my hardest thing to do is to motivate myself and get moving. I would love to have a companion who takes initiative because you know me, I am more than happy to follow. I am slowly realizing that I have to step it up and take on responsibility as a leader, even though I have only been out almost 3 months!
Like dad said, I cannot see the big picture yet, I do not know what Heavenly Father has planned for me. If there is something I have learned though, it is that, everything that God does is done in Wisdom. He is all knowing. He knows each and every one of us better than anyone else could ever imagine! Although I do wish that this would have come as soon, I do realize what I have to do. I, personally, always thought that the Senior companion would handle everything and plan everything out. That is what it was like my first transfer, I leaned on Elder Unsworth and depended on him to show me the ropes and I would gladly follow. Although I do not consider myself a leader at all, I am getting the vibes that I should step up to the position as one. Maybe that is what Heavenly Father has planned for me, maybe it is not. What I do know is that whatever he does, I may not always like it, but it will always be the best result for me in the long run. I know what I have to do and I know that I am right where I should be. What I have to do now is something that I never thought I would do and that is take charge, as much as I would not want to.
This is easily the hardest thing I have ever done, but also the most rewarding. All it takes to give me a boost is a letter from one of you, or a less active who attends sacrament. Just one little thing can turn your whole day around! One thing I have learned about myself is that I do not need a lot to be happy, which I am SO grateful for! I love you, both friends and family! Thank you for everything you have done for me!

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